#but i'm trying to be better so. baby steps.

[hereonlytofeedwormsinmybrain]

Gonna do it for myself just because

It's okay, altough very conditional

My best friend probably. I genuinely love her so much.

Yes and no, but it's somewhat pointless to dwell about. I'm making some small steps to do stuff I'd do differently back then.

Yeah

Single, never been in a relationship beside friendship and I kinda feel I've missed my window for first one. I'm okay with it tho, probably on a aroace spectrum

I feel like I'm gonna age as an old person. I would like to die with clear mind and self sufficient body.

Peach yoghurt with granola

Not really, I started enjoying sports only few years ago, but I'm still insecure about my skills and body. Want to get into boxing next year.

Not anymore

I've never had any physical fight

I like a lot of people, no one romantically so

Yeah, I studied at an art school and have ADHD, so

No actually

Terribly.

Not now. I love pets, but more in an uncle/aunt way. I'm allergic, very sensory sensitive, and leading somewhat chaotic life.

Neutral. I'm procrrastinating updating my CV, so a little bit worried about that

Never made out with anyone, so no

No, I like them, but in the place I live in they are really small and chill, big one stress me a little bit. Not fear tho, and I like cohabitating with them

I was thinking about it lately, when feverish! And: maybe? I would do a lot of things differently if I could go back like eight years, when I was starting my final year of high school. Very different decisions. Would take better care of myself and wouldn't spiral into this years long depressive/burnout episode. Like I said before, I'm trying to do some stuff I should've done before

blank answer

Uhhhhh I have school so probably deal with interior design and graphic programs

I don't want to bring people, either as a birthing parent nor. not sure how to say it? other parent who also made decision? But I would like to adopt one day, if I have this option, preferably older or teenaged kid. Not building my life toward this moment tho

One, cause the other in other ear closed up. I want one in each nostril, but now I'm dealing with allergies and shit so yeah

As in what?

Terribly. Also, kinda repeating question

Nothing really

Don't think so, but I'm also very oblivious. Maybe platonically.

Nope

blank answer

this guy who is guest in my flat rn, really annoying and don't understand "no" in more annoying way, not creepy way. He's leaving tmr morning

My friends, at least my best friend

I like colors in general so baby blue and hues of red maybe

Yeah

Don't remember

Uhhhhhh my therapist probably? I'm not a big crier

Nope, in fact, I'm too fast to cut people off. Working on it too. Only person who got a shitton on chances was my sister up to the moment she broke my heart. We haven't really talked in like. two and half years

Forget

Not really, 2023 was way better, but it was a decent year for sure

Not sure if it counts, cause I've never had kiss with person i actually wanted to kiss, but kissed some friends when I was uhhhh 22?

Nope. Fuckup with question numbers?

I like cooking in general and do it well, but my comfort food I do always when too tired to do anything else is spaghetti pasta with tomato sauce, since I was a little kid

Yes and not, more like life is this huge choices tree, so like every time you make some choice, new options appears. Logical to me

Read some fanfic

Depends on definition of cheating and relationship, but I do believe cheating as in breaking trust of other person who loves you on deep and intimate level is always wrong.

I think I'm more cruel than mean? And often people read me as mean, this the life of autistic person. I feel my core is just leyers and leyers of kind and cruel

No one???? Are you guys okay

Once again, what's definition? But I'm more into bell hooks understanding of love, as set of action rather than feeling, so how do you define realness in this definition

Big summer storm with lightnings and thunder, that brings coolness after warm and lazy day

Yes, a lot! There's not a lot of it nowadays, but I like it a lot when happens

I see marriage more as a buisness/legal thing, but if I'm ever in a long term realtionship, I probably would like one. Illegal for me in my country atm

When a girl or nb person does it. It shortcuts me a little ngl (hoping for someone who would call me this all the time. Spiritually I'm bottom, would love to check it out irl). When guys try it, even in jokes, I got a violent whiplash

Being in mountain. Spending time with my best friend. Sense of calm after big and dramatic emotions or meltdowns. Playing drums!!!! I have my second lesson tmr :)

Yes, I seriously consider this rn! Anecdote: I was a volounteer and I didn't recognized my name on a timesheet and missed my shift (: But honestly I gotta consider it, feels like a lot. Plus gotta check how my parents feel about it, would hate to get hate crimed and cut off financially. You never know with my parents, look point 1.

Yes, cause I fucking hate her and she's my sister's serious girlfriend rn :)

I'm nb, so it's kinda??? but seeing as I'm read as woman societally and describing myself as a lesbian. Well it would be fucking bad, sorry for that man. My guy friend wouldn't do it to me tho, we all have very sibling/familial realtionship and I draw setup for painting for his new girlfriend so!!!! Cute. As to my girl friend, well, would be awkward cause I really don't want to be her "girl-best friends toxic situationship", not gonna happen tho, she's very straight. If happened, yeah but no, love her but she's not great as romantic partner

(Definitions like in 55) Not complete complete, cause I don't act completely myself to anyone, maybe my best friend? But yeah, we are pretty close with my guy friend

Annoying guest

My best friend

I enjoy the idea of and soulmates in media, but in reality it feels somewhat more tragic and creepy. Not really.

Hmmm. Seeing my past suicidal ideation, I would rather live for someone. And I kinda do, actually :)

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[brbsoulnomming]

Heart On Your Sleeve Part 7

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

written for steddiebigbang2024 and belatedly posting here!

-----

Steve's half asleep on the couch when Dustin arrives the next day, and Robin lets him in.

“Hearts out,” Dustin demands immediately.

Steve winces. “Not a good idea, bud. My ribs are-”

“It's not your ribs,” Dustin interrupts. “You think I didn't see some blood when you were waving your heart around? Don't treat me like a baby, Steve, come on.”

Robin looks at him, and Steve shrugs.

“Okay,” he says, and Robin takes his heart out from her chest.

It looks better than it did yesterday, but it's still pretty pulpy, and Dustin goes pale.

“Steve,” he whispers, voice cracking.

“It's getting better,” Steve promises.

Dustin frowns, looking between him and Robin. “Are you having trouble breathing again? Why is Robin holding it?”

“It heals better when someone else has it,” Steve says. “Some kind of science thing.”

Dustin's frown deepens, then smooths out, and he holds his hands out to Robin. “My turn.”

“Dustin, I'm not going to ask you to-” Steve starts.

“You can't ask, I'm telling you I'm going to,” Dustin retorts. “I'm the first person who carried it, remember?”

Steve looks at Robin. She shrugs, and he can feel that she's not opposed to it, so he shrugs back. She hands his heart over to Dustin. There's some fumbling as Steve gives Robin's heart back to her and takes Dustin's instead, and then -

Huh.

Dustin is just as stubborn as he's always seemed, but underneath that is a quiet fear and a sense of love deeper than anything Steve's ever felt - other than from Robin.

“Come here.”

Steve gives him a hug - or as much of a hug as he can manage - then leans back on the couch again. “Breakfast's in the kitchen,” he says, already closing his eyes.

—

The next time he opens them, it's to the sound of half a dozen gremlins talking in what's probably supposed to be hushed tones.

“How did you all even get in here?” he asks.

They jump, then Dustin juts his chin out.

“I called them,” he says.

“We are here to help,” El says solemnly.

“Dustin told us what happened,” Lucas says.

Steve grimaces. “Look, you guys don't have to-”

“Will it work?” El asks.

Steve blinks at her. “Will what work?”

“If I try to heal your heart. Dustin says he looked it up, and it works best if it's someone you care about. Am I?”

Oh, that's just cheating. How is he supposed to protest with those eyes looking at him.

“Yeah, Ellie, of course you are. It'll work.”

She holds out her hands determinedly. "I don't have my powers. I couldn't save my - my dad, but I can do this. I can help you."

And that's that.

The next thing he knows, they've scheduled up a rotation along with Robin, and taken over his house, setting themselves up to watch TV or play games or do whatever else.

He finds himself alone with El, and he looks at her for a moment before asking, “Do you like cookies?”

Of course she likes cookies.

Steve can't actually do much work, but he can sit at the kitchen table and give directions, and she determinedly follows all of them as she puts together cookie dough.

He can feel the rough edges of her grief and her hopelessness, and he tries to give back as much support as he can.

She isn't alone.

“May I ask you something?” she asks, when a batch of cookies are in the oven and they're eating cookie dough.

“Sure,” he says.

“Dustin is not your brother.”

That's not a question, but he answers it anyway. “Not the way Mike is Nancy's brother or Will is Jonathan's, no.”

She frowns. “I don't understand,” she admits. “Mike says you are brave. That he likes you better now that you're not Nancy's boyfriend. I thought - you are like Mike.”

Oh, he is definitely remembering that for later. “Like Mike how?”

“Mike stepped off of a cliff for Dustin.”

Steve's brain screeches to a halt. “Mike what?”

“There were mouth breathers - bullies. They threatened to hurt Dustin if Mike didn't jump. He did. I caught him,” she's quick to reassure him, like that's what he's stuck on. “So - I thought you are like Mike. You protect your friends.”

“Like you, too,” Steve says, deciding to table the whole Mike thing for now. “You protect your friends.”

She smiles at him, a tiny, fleeting thing before her face scrunches in confusion. “But Max and Dustin and Lucas were not always your friends. Max says you jumped in front of a demodog the day you met her. I don't understand.”

Yeah, Steve's not sure he really understands either - a feeling she must pick up, because she looks even more confused.

“I just - wanted to help.” It sounds even lamer than it did when he said that about cleaning up the graffiti at the theater, but it's what he's got. “Maybe - we don't have to be like anyone, you know? We can just be like us. We can just want to help.”

Her expression smooths out, and he can feel - she kind of likes that.

“What I like,” she says, which is clearly a call back to something else with the way she's feeling, though he has no idea what.

It's okay. He doesn't really have to know what, he thinks - they understand each other.

And they have cookies.

—

He calls Mrs. Byers, just to make sure she knows where Will and El are.

She does, of course, but he also wants to check on her.

Her voice is unsteady and thick with grief, but she tells him not to worry about her, asks how the kids are doing, how he is.

He doesn't want to worry her, either, but he tells her what the kids’ plan is, how hard they're trying to help him.

How guilty he feels about it.

She's gentle when she tells him to let them help, that they care about him and they want to be able to do something good. He promises he will, and that he'll look after them.

He wishes he could do more.

—

Mike's up next, like he wants to get it over with.

Steve wants to tease him about the whole thinking he's brave thing, but when he's hit with everything Mike feels - worry and love and pride and protectiveness and how can I keep them all safe what am I supposed to do, he finds he doesn't want to give him a hard time.

Mike's angry at him, but he's angry at him because he's scared. Because he doesn't want to like him, doesn't want to trust him, but he does.

Mike likes him a whole lot, actually.

And Steve guesses that Mike can feel his own slightly amused fondness, because the kid scowls at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” Steve replies.

He thinks for a while, while Mike sullenly sits at the kitchen table with him and pretends like Steve doesn't know that he actually has feelings.

Eventually, even though he knows it's going to get him scoffed at, he says, “Do you know why teams have co-captains?”

Mike rolls his eyes. “Because they're too stupid to figure out how to play themselves?”

He tamps down on his irritation, though he knows not quickly enough, because Mike looks smug.

“So there's more than one person to make the hard choices. So if one person can't be there, the other can. So no one has to be in two places at once. So one person doesn't have to be everything to everyone,” Steve continues.

Mike scoffs, but Steve can still feel that it resonates with him. “Your stupid sports game is way less important than real life danger.”

“Yeah, sure. But so is your dragons game, and you guys use that all the time.”

He can feel that Mike wants to protest, though he also reluctantly thinks that Steve's right.

“So, what, you think we should pick captains for our Party?” Mike asks.

“Nah. You're already the party leader, right?” Steve asks. He knows that's how Mike sees himself, knows that's the pressure he puts on himself.

Now more than ever.

“But last time and this time, we had to split up, right? And you can't be everywhere.”

“You don't get it,” Mike says. “It's my job to protect them. How am I supposed to do it if I can't look out for everyone?”

“You get some help. Look - that's what I'm here for, all right? Let me help watch out for you guys.”

Mike snorts. “You?”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, I think it's worked out so far.”

Mike glances away. Whatever he's thinking of, there's the faint memory of fear and an unbidden, reluctant wash of relief, of safety.

“Fine,” he mutters. “Whatever, you're in the Party.”

Steve doesn't point out that he's already been in it, according to some of them. He has a feeling that's the most he's going to get out of Mike, for now.

It's enough.

—

It's easy, with Max and Lucas.

Probably easier than it should be.

He and Max swap, and he sits with her angry, confused grief. He can feel her daring him to say something, so - he doesn't.

He opens his arms, and he says, “Come here,” and she's exhausted enough that she does.

He hugs her tight while she cries into his chest, angry with herself for crying and angry with Billy for being so terrible and saving her life anyway. Angry with Steve, too, but that one's too complicated for him to figure out with the echoes of the feelings he gets from her.

“I'm here,” he says after a while, even though it makes her cry harder. “I'm right here.”

He sits with Lucas, after, staring at the door where El and Max have retreated to try to get some sleep.

“I don't know how to help her,” Lucas says.

He doesn't sound lost, but his heart beats in Steve's chest, and he can feel it anyway.

“Me either,” Steve admits, because he knows Lucas can feel it from him, too.

“What am I supposed to do?” Lucas asks.

Steve thinks for a moment. “Be there for her. Don't push her, but make sure she knows you're there. That you're not going anywhere.”

Some of the helplessness fades, and Lucas nods.

“Yeah, I can do that.”

They're quiet for a little bit.

“I want to try out for the basketball team,” Lucas says suddenly, then shoots an almost shy little look over at Steve at his pleased surprise.

“That's awesome, man. You want to get some more practice in after a few weeks?” Steve asks.

Lucas nods, then hesitates. “I don't think that Mike and Dustin and Will are going to like it.”

Steve frowns. “They like me okay.”

“Well, yeah, but that's different. We used to think you were a douchebag.”

It startles a laugh out of Steve. “Wow, thanks, Sinclair.”

Lucas shrugs, unapologetic. “We know you aren't now. But they're going to think I'm abandoning them.”

Steve considers. “Are you?”

“No! I'll still play D&D and stuff with them, we'll still be the Party. I want to prove you can do both. I want - I don't want people to mess with them. I want to do what you did.”

Steve swallows, suddenly a little choked up. He wishes he could blame it on his injuries, but he knows damn well Lucas can feel how touched he is.

“You're gonna be great, man,” he says when he has himself more under control. “You're gonna be way better than I ever was.”

—

When Will's up in the little rotation the gremlins have worked out, he lingers a few steps away, hesitant.

"Hey, man, you don't have to," Steve says awkwardly. "I can tell the other gremlins that you're needed at home."

Will looks at him for a moment. "Do I count?"

"What?" Steve asks.

"You didn't hunt a demodog with me, or barricade a bus in a junkyard, or fight off a bully, or go to the Upside Down tunnels, or invade a Russian bunker. You just let me into movies for free and let me hang out at your house with everyone. Is that enough?" Will's tone had been very matter of fact, but it goes a little bit more tenuous there.

"Yeah," Steve says. "Yeah, it is."

Will comes up to the table, holding his hands out expectantly, and Steve drops his heart into them.

It doesn't hurt, but by now, he doesn't expect it to. Steve's not sure he'll ever be able to thank any of the kids for this, but if Joyce is right, if being able to do something helps them after everything they just went through, then he guesses he's glad for that.

The awkwardness lingers a little after they've exchanged hearts. Probably because now they can feel an echo of each other's feelings. It makes Steve scramble for a topic.

"Mike and Lucas apologize to you yet?" Steve asks.

Will looks at him in confusion. "What for?"

"You think I didn't notice they've been kind of shitty? My money's on Mike being more insensitive about it, but Lucas has been right there with him, you know? Ditching Dustin half the time since he's been back, and before that it was always you playing fifth wheel."

Will looks a little surprised. “How'd you even notice that?”

"Because the same thing happened to me," Steve admits.

"I doubt it," Will mutters.

"It did!" Steve insists. "I had two best friends growing up. Then in middle school, they started dating, and suddenly every time we hung out I was the third wheel. It drove me nuts at first."

Will frowns. "Wait, but. You were always dating girls."

"Well, yeah, because I knew I was supposed to. I did a lot of things because it was what I was supposed to do." Steve'd liked all of them well enough, enjoyed dating them - especially once he started having sex and realized how good at it he could be - but he's not going to pretend like there isn't a reason his relationships didn't last very long.

Nancy'd been the only one he could see a forever with.

The kid's brows furrow, like he's not really sure what to do with that information.

"My point is-” Steve points at him with his spoon. “-don't let them rush you, or make you feel like you have to do something you don't want to do just to fit in with them. They're a lot better friends than mine were; they'll understand."

Will considers that. "Jonathan says I should never like something just because people tell me I should. That it's okay that I'm a freak, because he's a freak, too.”

“Yeah?” Steve asks. “What'd you say back?”

Will scrunches his nose. “I asked if that was why he didn't have any friends.”

He shouldn't, but Steve gives a little snort of laughter. Oh, no, Will is funny.

“Your brother has friends,” Steve protests, to counter his laughter. “He's got Nancy and me.”

Will rolls his eyes. “Nancy's his girlfriend.”

“Point in your favor,” Steve admits. “Still leaves me. And Robin will be his friend.”

Will toys with an apple from the fruit basket on the island. “Are you and Jonathan even really friends? It's not like you guys hang out.”

“Ouch, Byers, I thought you were the nice one,” Steve says, giving the kid a fond little smile to show he doesn't mean it. “There's different kinds of friends, I guess. Did, uh. Did Jonathan ever tell you how I got involved with all this?”

“Not really.” Will says with a shrug. “Just that you and him and Nancy fought a demogorgon.”

“That's because your brother's a good guy,” Steve tells him, then nudges the chair across from him.

It only moves a handful of inches, making Steve grimace - he'd wanted to kick it all the way out from under the table, but clearly he's not at full kicking strength. Still, it does the job, and Will takes a seat.

“I saw Nancy and Jonathan together on her bed one night, when she and I had just started dating. She couldn't tell me about the Upside Down stuff yet, but I knew she was lying, and I thought they were seeing each other behind my back.”

Will's looking at him, eyes huge, and it makes guilt twist in his stomach at the thought of what he said to Jonathan that day.

“We got in a fight the next day,” Steve admits. “I was really mean to him. So I went to your house later to apologize, and that's when I stumbled in on him and Nancy setting their trap. I gotta tell you, it was a really rude awakening, getting my apology speech interrupted by a demogorgon.”

“Try getting your bike ride home interrupted by one,” Will says dryly.

For a moment, Steve wonders if he should feel guilty bringing it up and potentially traumatizing the kid, but - Will doesn't look like he wants to be tiptoed around, and he can feel the faint trepidation from the kid's heart beating in his chest. The fear that someone's going to treat you different.

So Steve snorts instead. “Okay, you've got me beat,” he concedes. “You win the gold medal of demogorgon attacks.”

“Thanks.” It's just as dry, but Will's smiling at Steve like he said the right thing, so he'll take it. “Do I get an actual medal?”

Steve gives a surprised little laugh. “You know what? Sure. Come on.”

His pace is slow as he heads upstairs, and out of the corner of his eye, he's pretty sure he sees Will's hands twitch like he's debating trying to help him up. Steve resolutely ignores it until they get to his room, and then he unearths his first place medal from the medley swimming relay in eighth grade.

“Hang on, let me-” Steve digs around for some duct tape and a sharpie, then slaps a strip of tape on the back of the medal, pressing it down to get it to stick well. He writes demogorgan attack on the tape, blows on it to get it to dry, then hands it to Will with all the solemnity as if he was actually presenting him with a first place medal.

“Oh my God,” Will says, looking a little gobsmacked. “You're a nerd. You're one of us!”

“Hey! You spread that around, and I'll take your medal back!” Steve threatens.

“No way,” Will retorts. “Come back when you get dragged into the Upside Down by a demogorgon for dinner.”

“No thanks,” Steve says. “It's all yours.”

Will is beaming at him, and Steve kind of hates to ruin the mood - but he also really has to sit down. The downside to having them all on a rotation of heart exchanges is that he can't hide when it gets really bad.

He sits down on his bed while he can still do it without just dropping down onto the mattress. Will watches him for a moment, then carefully sits on the bed too, a foot or so away from him.

“So - that's why you and Jonathan are friends? You apologized and you fought a monster together?” Will asks.

“Yeah, I guess so. Look, there's different kinds of friends, right? There's the friends you have because you share a class together, or the ones you play the same sport - or, uh, hobby with, or the ones you just hang out with sometimes. And then there's the good ones, the ones who know you. Jonathan and I might not hang out outside of school, but I know he's got my back, and I've got his. Any time he needed me, I'd be right there.”

His feelings about Jonathan are - complicated, but that's the truth. Whatever else, Steve cares about the guy a hell of a lot, trusts him like he trusts very few others.

Steve's not sure what Will can pick up from him, but it must be enough to convince him that Steve's sincere, because he just quietly says, “Oh.”

“That goes for you, too,” Steve tells him. “Okay? You need me, I'm there.”

Will's cheeks go just a little pink, and there's a faint flutter of some kind in his heart, but Steve can't really tell what it is. “Okay.”

They're quiet for a moment, but it's not really awkward anymore - or at least, not beyond Steve trying to figure out how long before he's going to be able to get himself back downstairs without leaning on anyone.

“Did you date Nancy because you were supposed to?” Will asks after a while.

“Nancy's different,” Steve replies automatically, hearing an echo of himself saying the same thing to Dustin the day they were looking for Dart, and knowing it's just as true now as it was then, even if he's over her now - or as over her as he thinks he'll ever be.

Will mulls that over. “So - I might find a girl one day that's different, even if I've never liked girls before?”

There's something about the way that Will says it that sends him back into the Starcourt bathroom with Robin, watching her stare at him as he said but Tammy Thompson's a girl, waiting for it to click into place for him, and -

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, he thinks he's accidentally implied something he didn't really mean to imply here. He thinks about trying to stutter out a clarification, that when Steve said he did it because he was supposed to, he didn't mean that he didn't like girls - he loves girls, girls are fantastic -

But.

But there's Eddie.

Will's voice had been so small, and whatever he can feel from Steve's heart in his chest is making his eyes go wide and scared, and it -

“Maybe,” Steve finds himself saying before he really knows what he's talking about. “But maybe not. And that's - that's okay. Whoever you like, or don't like, whoever you want to date or not date, it's okay.”

Steve pauses, feels like that isn't enough, and scrunches his face up. “Unless they're like, objectively terrible. If you get a crush on some little asshole, I can and will make fun of you.”

There's a ghost of a smile there. “Like Dustin and Suzie?” he asks.

“Way worse than Dustin and Suzie,” Steve says. “I had to be nice about Suzie, because everyone thought Dustin was making her up. I'm talking no holds barred here.”

—

"Do you think that guy's dead?"

Steve doesn't have to ask what guy Dustin means. He grimaces a little, because even if he wanted to, there's no way he can lie with their hearts in each other's chests. "We blew up their lab, man, I think most of them are dead."

Dustin frowns, looking like he's not sure if he thinks that's a good enough answer.

"I guess," he says finally. Then, so quietly Steve can barely hear it, Dustin asks, "Am I a bad person?"

"What?" Steve asks, thrown. "You've saved the world how many times now?"

Dustin gives him a look. "The same amount of times that you have."

Steve bumps Dustin's shoulder with the back of his knuckles. "Saved Nancy and Jonathan, maybe, but not sure how much world saving I did the first time. You got one up on me."

Dustin rolls his eyes. "Basically the same."

"All right, all right," Steve says. "We've saved the world a few times. Bad people don't usually do that."

Dustin fiddles with the hem of his shirt. "Billy did. Kind of. He helped, at the end. Does that make him a good person?"

Shit, Steve is way too concussed for this.

"No," he says after a little while. "I don't think so. Maybe if he had more time, but I don't think one good thing that he did while he was already dying makes up for all the other bad things he did."

Dustin screws up his face in concentration, then nods. "Me too."

Steve'd really like to just end the conversation there, but he's pretty sure Dustin needs him to keep going, and, well.

He's always going to be there when Dustin needs him.

"What makes you think you're a bad person?" he asks.

Dustin stares at his hands for a little while. "I don't feel bad."

Steve tries to make sense of that for a moment, then gives up. "You lost me."

"I killed that guy," Dustin says, looking back up at him almost defiantly. "And I don't feel bad. I'm not sorry he's dead."

Guilt stabs through him so strongly that he knows Dustin must feel some of it, and he grimaces a little when Dustin frowns at him.

"What was that?" Dustin asks.

"I'm sorry that you had to do that," Steve says. "It's not fair."

Dustin scoffs. "None of this is fair."

All right, yeah, Dustin's got a point. Okay, new tactic.

"Look at me, Dust," Steve says softly.

Dustin pulls a face. "I am looking at you."

"Ugh, no, I mean look at me." Steve waves a hand at himself.

"You look like shit," Dustin tells him.

"Exactly," Steve agrees. "You know why I look like shit?"

There's an echo of something remarkably similar to the guilt Steve just felt.

"Because of me," Dustin says, voice small.

Shit.

"What? No! How is this your fault?" Steve asks.

"I pushed the Russian message thing. You only looked into it because I wanted to," Dustin says.

"That's not - I looked into it for the same reason I helped you look for Dart, okay? Because I'm in this, and we're in this together, and if there's something out there, it's going to find us. That's not your fault."

Dustin doesn't look convinced.

"There is nothing that's going to keep me away from being in this with you, okay? Even if you didn't push me. Even if you didn't even tell me. I'd find out, and then I'd be mad." He pauses. "Like, really mad. Like telling your mom you ditched me and got in trouble so she doesn't let you leave the house for a year mad."

"Okay, okay," Dustin says, but he looks happier. "So what was your point, then?"

His point?

Right, his point.

"I look like shit because of the dead guy and his buddies." Part of Steve thinks he should hedge around this, try to sugarcoat it a little, but - treating Dustin like he's a kid who can't handle this isn't going to do anything. "You saw my heart, Dustin. You think the guys who did that were just going to let me walk out of there?"

Dustin looks at him, eyes big. "No," he admits quietly.

"The only reason I'm still standing here is because of you. I mean it, man - I'd be dead without you. And it sucks that you had to do that, and I wish I could have been faster or better, saved you from being the one that had to, but I'm not sorry that he's dead, either. Maybe that makes me a bad person. Maybe I'm a bad person because I would do the same thing, because I'd have killed all of them to protect you and I wouldn't feel bad at all."

Dustin's lip quivers a little. "You're not a bad person, Steve."

"Neither are you," Steve tells him.

The kid's eyes look suspiciously wet. Steve shifts, straightening up a little and lifting his arms.

"Come here."

Dustin drops down onto the couch, squished into his side. Steve drapes his arm over his shoulder, gingerly hugging him, and pretending that he can't hear Dustin's quiet sniffles or feel the shake of his shoulders.

"You're like the best person I know," Steve says softly.

"You too," Dustin replies, voice a little wet. "You're gonna be okay, right?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna be fine."

His heart might not ever be the same, but with all of them trying so hard to keep it together and help it heal - it makes him feel pathetic, but he kind of thinks he might be even better.

It seems a good enough response for Dustin, who stays tucked in against his side, eyes slipping shut like he's going to fall asleep right there.

Steve wants to bitch about it, but he also doesn't want to move, so he just lets it happen.

"I used to be so jealous of Mike and Will," Dustin mutters sleepily after a while.

"Yeah?" Steve asks absently.

"All this sucks, and they had Nancy and Jonathan," Dustin says.

"Mmm," Steve agrees, feeling pretty close to sleep himself.

"I'm not anymore though."

"No?" Steve asks.

"Nah," Dustin mumbles. "You're way better than Nancy and Jonathan."

This is already written, and my plan is to post one part a day until it's all up here!

----

Part 8

Taglist (always happy to add more to this if anyone wants): @fairytalesreality @lostonceandneverfound @wheneverfeasible @awkwardgravity1 @theintrovertedintrovert @thewickedkat @ravenfrog @scarlet-malfoy @missmagillicuddy @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @ollyxar @cringe-culture-is-dead-99 @thedragonsaunt @makewavesandwar @cryptid-system @ajeff855 @mae-liz @the-fantastical-asexual @jettestar @warlordess @persnicketysquares @samsoble @my-love-of-books @mydysfunctionallife @dreamercec @holyangelstudentuniverse @breealtair @shunna @xtraordinarally @thatdamnfan @justalittledrainbamage @strangerfolks @disrespectedgoatman @amber-ambience @anxietyfulloption @thepossummoldypasta

[daenysx]

hii angel, can i request modern aemond as dad or with a pregnant reader for the sleepover??i miss dad!aemond

thanks, my love, i hope you enjoy <333

modern!aemond targaryen x pregnant fem!reader

"you can't help yourself, can you?" aemond steps in, catching you on your feet as you try to reach to a book on the higher shelf. "you need to be resting."

you scoff, irritated and honestly so tired. "i wanted a book."

"you should've told me."

"i can do things by myself."

"you are seven months pregnant and the doctor told you to keep things easy. trying to reach a book that high is not easy."

you roll your eyes. what does he want you to do, just scream his name every time you need the tiniest thing? you know he means the best, but this is getting tiring at this point, same conversations over and over, and you just want to relax. your back hurts, your legs get numb when you lie down too much. it's not easy to carry a baby.

aemond gives up. you look like you're gonna cry, frustrated and kind of cute. he takes a few steps to come next to you. he's quiet as he leans down to brush a shallow kiss on your forehead.

"i never want you to be upset." he says.

"i know."

"i apologise if i become overbearing." aemond whispers. he surrenders easily as he puts a hand on your belly. "i just want both of you to be okay."

"you're not overbearing." you tell him with a soft voice. he just wants to be better, he can't fail this. "i'm tired and i miss doing things by myself."

he hugs you in a weird angle, neither of you care. he smells so nice and his sweater is soft against your cheek, he feels safe and strong when you lean to his chest. he kisses your head, you close your eyes. it's so nice to think you'll have a baby with him in less than two months.

"which book did you want?"

"i don't want it anymore." you say. "any chance you'd like lie down with me?"

"sure." aemond accepts your offer casually. you look lovely when you get what you want, all glowy and pretty, it's a funny feeling to know his dreams came through. he takes you to couch, your new favorite spot to lie down, the fluffy blanket is thrown over and ready to be used.

you got used to adjusting your body in a comfy position before you sleep. aemond gives you space to use the couch however you want, he settles down next to you when you're ready.

"my baby." he whispers, putting his hand on your belly. you like it when he drags his fingers all over you, circles and lines, his fingertips rest nicely on your skin.

you let out a good breath as the weight on your back decreases slowly. your hand goes on your belly to catch aemond's fingers. will the baby have his hair? you are so curious of the details, it lessens the ache in your body. will she have your eyes? the possible combinations of your looks are endless, aemond keeps wishing she could look like you.

"i can rub your back." he offers, gently. "or i can read your book out loud if you want to fall asleep after. just please- let me do things for you."

"you're doing so many things for me." you murmur to his chest.

"i need to do more, sweetheart." he whispers. "nothing feels enough."

the urge to take care of you is stronger than ever. it's for his sanity, really.

"you'll be a really good dad, aemond." you say before falling asleep, and aemond will never forget your words. "i'm sure she'll tell you this exact same thing when she grows up."

dreamer girl sleepover ♡

[jayparked]

the overstimulation is becoming too much as you try to grind your hips on sunghoon's face. the soft haired boy chuckles, his breath tickling your clit in a tormenting teasing way.

"i'd tell you to use your words but..." he trails off, smirking up at you before gripping your thighs tighter and diving back into you.

your moan is stifled as sunghoon's best friend, heeseung, shoves his cock even deeper down your throat, purposefully not wanting you to answer the other boy.

"yeah, focus on me baby. i'm the one you really want, not him." heeseung holds you flush to his pelvis before slowly pulling back, leaving you gasping for air, a string of your saliva connects you to his cock. you're not sure why he's suddenly being so possessive, it's not like this is the first time the three of you have been in this situation. and usually he's the more patient and giving one among the three of you. you try not to question it too much, slightly too distracted by the feeling of another orgasm approaching you.

humming around heeseung's cock and clenching on sunghoon's tongue, you let yourself come undone one more time. sunghoon doesn't stop when your legs start to shake or when you start whimpering around heeseung.

"she's had enough man back off." heeseung pulls away only to lift you up and pull you against his chest, his arms wrapping strongly around you.

"i'm okay, hee. i want to keep going," you say confidently, but out of breath.

"great. i wanna taste you on my lips again," sunghoon groans.

"no, you've had enough. you just watch. or leave. i don't care but you need to relax." heeseung motions for the other to step back, his tone nearing that of a bite. sunghoon just shrugs, completely unaffected by heeseung's behavior, and leaves the room, mumbling something about going to get some water and to wash his face.

"it's just you and me, just how you wanted," you sing song the words playfully, still trying not to think too much on why heeseung demanded this.

"i...i don't know why i-"

"it's okay to want me for yourself. come here, i'm all yours." you pull yourself away from his arms and lay your head on the pillows, slowly opening up your legs for him. heeseung groans and turns away, one hand covering up his mouth as he clenches his jaw.

heeseung looks back at you for a moment before crawling on the bed to you, planting his lips firmly on your own. you feed into his fevered kiss, letting yourself get washed away by his passion and need. mere seconds pass before you feel the tip of his cock prodding at your entrance, but he stops just before you can clench around him.

"are you okay? we can stop if you're too sore." he looks at you with concerned eyes.

you can't help but giggle a little with how sweet he's being. "i'm okay, hee. i want this. i want you."

with that said, heeseung pushes himself into you until he bottoms out. he lets you both get adjusted before he starts moving and it doesn't take long before you're a moaning mess under him.

"f-fuck, i don't think i'm gonna last long if you keep doing that," heeseung says through clenched teeth, his pace quickening as you continue to clench around him.

"she loves doing that shit," sunghoon chuckles from the doorway, casually sipping from his glass.

heeseung's pace doesn't falter, but something flickers in his eyes, something dark and determined.

"keep moaning my name, y/n. i want him to see how i can fuck you better."

"so possessive today," laughs sunghoon again, leaving the doorframe to sit himself next to the bed, "don't worry, y/n. he's just mad i made you come so many times. he's not used to being shown up."

"shut. up." heeseung growls, grinding his hips so his cock reaches a new angle in you. and it feels so good, but all you can think about is how this will go on all night until the two men feel satisfied enough with their performances or their competitive nature finally subsides. but you know all too well that'll never happen.

for part of my 1k follower celebration send me a member and a number from this list and i'll write a short drabble about it ♡ masterlist

[annwrites]

⸻ tell me i'm your national anthem. part five. ⸻

· pairing: homelander x collegestudent!reader · type: part of a series · summary: tragedy strikes when a plane crashes. john insists upon your relationship taking the next step. · tags: mothering kink, lactation kink · tw: possessiveness, codependency, attachment issues · word count: 3,742

One hundred and eighteen people are dead. In an instant. Just…gone. Fallen from the sky. Innocent people just trying to get from one place to another. Including a mother and her little girl. Teachers, families, couples…

It’s been everywhere today: on the news, social media, and on the lips of every person you pass in the halls at your college.

And you feel sick every time you think of the terror they must’ve felt. How…helpless they were as they probably clung to each other in those final moments, praying for someone—something—to save them…

You try to push it out of your mind, to the best of your ability, so you might make it through the rest of the day without bursting into a puddle of tears.

That evening, you pick idly at your dinner as you watch John on your flat screen.

Three minutes. If he’d been three minutes sooner, there at least would’ve been a chance at saving them.

And then you watch as he actually gets choked up—as tears stream from his bloodshot eyes—and your own chin wobbles in response.

Please, God, don’t let him blame himself.

He got there as quickly as he could.

While part of you hates him—is terrified of him—for the way he’s been treating you since first meeting a handful of days ago, you're sure he would’ve practically carried that plane to safety if it’d still been in the air when he arrived. He has every right to be angry. To be upset. Because countless lives have now been destroyed, and over a hundred taken through an act of evil—of terrorism.

At least they’re dead now, too.

You hope that if there is a hell—from whatever religion is it that they prescribed to—that they’re suffering in it.

You glance down to your barely-touched dinner, then rise to put it away.

Once you’ve brushed your teeth and are ready to lie down for the night, you glance to your balcony doors, and, most unexpectedly, fill with disappointment when you find the space to be empty.

Then, you quickly fill with guilt immediately after. How could you expect him to show up here after the day he’s had? You are the furthest thing from his metaphorical plate—from his mind.

The real world is calling now, and your time of being a distraction to him is over.

He’s gone, and he’s not—

Just as you step toward the doors to close your curtains is when he lands outside them, causing you to jump from fright.

And then tears quickly gather in your eyes as you turn the handle.

John turns around slowly, and he gently rests his hands on his hips while shrugging slightly. “I—”

He shakes his head and glances to his feet. “I tried. I really—if I’d gotten there sooner—”

You throw yourself against his chest and wrap your arms around his neck.

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry,” you choke out between sobs.

You run your fingertips through his hair and bury your face in his shoulder.

“It’s not your fault,” you whisper. “There is nothing you could’ve done. This is not your fault.”

He slips an arm beneath your legs, and he carries you back inside.

John currently has one of your nipples in his mouth, and is gently sucking on it for comfort while you rub his head and keep blankets tucked tightly around him.

You turned quiet white noise on awhile ago to try and lull him to sleep, but every time you think he might be close to drifting off, he begins sucking again.

Such a strange arrangement this is tonight. And in general, really.

But you won’t tell him no in anything he needs to soothe himself. He’s been through utter hell today, and he came to you of all people to make it better. To hold and console him.

“Do you think they’ll do it?” You whisper.

He hums in curiosity.

“Let supes into the military,” you explain while resting a palm against the warm skin of his back.

He releases your breast from his mouth and swallows before replying, wishing you could lactate. He’d like that tonight. But he instead has to make do with what you have to offer.

At least he has the rest of you to do with as he pleases. Whether you like it or not.

And you’re even stupid enough to buy his sob story about being filled with immeasurable guilt over not being able to save the day. When, in reality, he doesn’t feel an ounce of it.

Because, really, it may just work out in the long-run for Vought, and get them exactly what Madelyn has been wanting for months on-end.

He smiles at the thought of her being pleased with him this time. She should’ve been for the last plane he brought down, but he set things right with those words he fed VNN just a handful of hours ago.

And now here he lies in your arms, while you coo over him like a loving mother.

He snuggles closer to you, feeling completely content for once.

He could get used to this. But only when he needs it—rather, wants it—of course. He can’t keep coming over here every night like he has been. Can’t come off as needy.

Even if he feels like he does need it: you, your attention, affection, and maternal comfort and love.

Finally, he replies. “It’d be ignorant as shit for them not to after what happened today, don’t you think? I mean, for the military to say that they’d rather have ordinary soldiers on the frontlines, as opposed to those who can survive a bullet or bombs…”

He shakes his head in indignation. “No different than today. Every day this country fails its people—people the government is supposed to be working for. Instead, they’re getting them killed needlessly. So, if us entering the military can save innocent lives, then I’m all for it.”

Your eyes flit between his while you gingerly cup his cheek, and he nuzzles into your touch. “I know that physically, you can’t be hurt.”

You trail your fingertips up to his temple. “But what about in here?”

You press a kiss to his forehead. “Sweetheart, you have already been through so much pain because of these people. Going to war…the things you’d see—”

“I can handle it,” he says, cutting you short.

You grow silent for a moment.

“Is this something you want, or something you’ve been told will happen to you if the people at Vought get their way? Meaning you have no true say.”

He’s not used to this: someone looking out for him. He’s not so stupid as to think that when Madelyn tells him that all she does is to protect him that she actually means it. She’s just…telling him what he wants to hear. But, because he’s so desperate for the attention…he’s willing to pathetically play along.

But with you, it isn’t a sick game. It’s honest. You are.

You ghost your fingertips over his lips, waiting for a response.

Until he decides that he doesn’t much feel up to trying at giving one.

So, instead, he takes your nipple into his mouth again, and he begins to suck.

You sigh quietly, but don’t push the subject. Instead, you gingerly cup the back of his head and begin to hum a nursery rhyme, so as to lull him, hopefully, to sleep.

When John wakes in the morning, it’s not in your arms, but he’s immediately comforted by the smell of eggs cooking and the sound of bacon sizzling on the stovetop across the room. And you hum along quietly to pop music, which plays softly on your little vintage countertop radio.

Sunlight streams through sheer gossamer curtains a few feet from the bed, and he’s practically swaddled in blankets, with plenty of soft pillows to keep him comfortable.

He really likes it here with you. It feels like…home. A home he’s never, in all his life—over forty years—had a chance to have. But this place is just that.

It’s well-decorated, cozy, clean, and warm. Charming. Idyllic, even. Honestly? You deserve an entire house, he thinks. He’d love to see what you’d come up with in turning it, gradually, into a home. Maybe into one for the both of you.

You playing the role of his perfect, dutiful little housewife…? He loves the idea. Fucking adores it. And it’s not like you could ever hope for better, anyway. What woman wouldn’t want such a life given to her by him of all men? Only an imbecile would refuse it.

Now, he has something to truly think about and consider. Given you continue behaving yourself for him—continue doing as he says, and being his well-behaved young lady…and playing mommy to him, which he needs most of all.

“This is nice,” John says after taking a bite of buttered toast, with a smile on his lips.

A smile that you return while gently brushing your foot against his beneath the table.

You’re still wary of him. You’re not so stupid not to be. To be wholly trusting and adoring toward him when you know what he’s capable of would just make you careless toward your own safety and well-being.

Maybe you are anyway.

But what choice do you have but to continue entertaining him like this? To continue…mothering him.

“I’m glad,” you say quietly before taking a drink of orange juice.

He leans back then, and you watch as he looks around your apartment, carefully taking in every feature and facet.

You shift nervously in your seat, wondering what he’s thinking—why he’s studying the space so intently all of a sudden.

And then his eyes meet yours again, and you merely look at him shyly from beneath your lashes while swallowing a forkful of cheesy scrambled eggs.

“I like it here,” he remarks. “It’s so…homey. You’re a good little homemaker.”

You flash him a toothy smile, and he genuinely returns it, enjoying the sight of you so happy.

You like being praised, he notes. You probably have no one to give you regular encouragement and approval. No one to give you attention.

He likes that you seemingly like having his. And certainly likes that his is the only that you have.

He doesn’t need to worry about someone else standing in his way—between the two of you. Between him and what now belongs to him. But, even if such a person existed…it wouldn’t be for much longer.

“Thank you,” you say while actually blushing. “I’ve worked really hard on it. It’s not much, but I’ve done my best with what little space and money that I have.”

He takes a sip of milk, then licks his lips. “I can tell. I do wonder, though…”

Your brows furrow when he begins to trail off. “What, baby?”

The corner of his mouth twitches. God, he really fucking loves when you call him that. He likes when you call him any pet name, in truth. Baby, sweetheart, sweetie… He wishes you’d call him more. Like, perhaps, your sweet baby boy—or your perfect little boy. Maybe, in time, you will.

He shrugs, then waves his hand, as if he’s trying to be nonchalant. When, in reality, he wants you to push him to tell you. Wants you to show interest in what is it that he has to say. Wants to know that what he thinks matters to you more than anything. Well, that he matters to you more than anything—not just what he thinks.

You gently set your fork down on your plate, then rest your hands in your lap. “You can tell me. It’s okay.”

He glances to his right, to where your balcony doors lie. “Just wondering what you might think about my place at Seven Tower.”

You blanch momentarily as he looks back to you.

He’s about to segue into asking you to come see it, isn’t he? His apartment, that is. You wouldn’t be surprised if he offers to give you a tour of the entire building, just as an opportunity to show off. Not just how he, most likely, knows the whole of the place like the back of his hand, but also so you can witness how everyone there probably bows and scrapes before him: the face of the Seven. The face of Vought. The face…of the entire country—of America.

You know he’s waiting for a specific response. An agreeable one. One that will please him.

“What’s it like?” You ask, feigning mild curiosity, even if you couldn’t care less.

It’s probably like every other corporate skyscraper: soulless and without character. Just a giant advertisement for their brand. A monument to their greed.

He takes a bite of his bacon and chews thoughtfully for a moment before answering. “Guess you’ll just have to come and see for yourself to find out.”

You proceed to stare at him in response to his, admittedly, predictable answer.

You refrain from shifting in your seat, so as to prevent him from bearing witness one of your ‘tells’ for when you feel uncomfortable.

“Oh. W-when?”

You grab your glass of orange juice and hold it between your hands to try and keep them steady—to prevent them from shaking from nerves.

“How about today?” He replies, taking another bite of his eggs.

You grip the glass more tightly. “How? I mean—”

“I can fly you up. We’ll just go in through the roof. No need to bother with metal detectors and what-not.”

You nod slowly.

At least you won’t have to worry, then, about crowds and people snapping pictures of you on their cellphones. That is the very last thing you desire: obnoxious notoriety, and to have yourself splashed across the cover of a supermarket tabloid with a question in bold print asking who Homelander’s new girl is.

And there’s still Emma.

Emma, who you’ve been…somewhat avoiding as of late, strictly from guilt. Guilt that you’re lying to her by omission. Omitting the fact that you’re carrying on with Homelander, for lack of a better term, that is.

If she ever finds out, her heart will break in two. You’re dealing with enough right now, such as the man who sits before you. Adding the loss of your best friend to the list of stressors upon you might just be more than you can handle.

“Okay,” you finally say in reply.

John watches and trails along behind you as you walk slowly around his apartment, looking it over.

He suddenly feels like all his nerve endings have been exposed. It’s a similar—if not near-identical feeling—to how he felt that first night he laid in your arms without a stitch of clothing on, minus his briefs.  But he’s gotten used to it; likes it even: the warmth of your body against his own in the middle of the night, when it feels like the two of you are all that’s left in the world.

“So, what do you think?” He asks, eager for your thoughts.

You turn around and ease your head back as you gaze up at him and into irises of blue.

“It…” You trail off.

You don’t want to anger him with your answer, but are also growing tired of lying to spare his overly-sensitive feelings. It’s exhausting walking this dangerous tightrope every time you’re together.

If he doesn’t want an unpleasant answer, then maybe he shouldn’t have brought you here in the first place, and furthermore shouldn’t be asking your opinion on his personal living space.

You nearly flinch when he reaches up and cups your cheek.

You truly detest his suit, including his gloves.

So, you reach up, take his hand in yours, and pull gently against the fingertips of the soft red material.

He stays quiet as you remove it, and then his other one, before tossing them both onto a nearby table.

You blink innocently up at him and he smiles.

You fill with relief that he didn’t take offense to the gesture.

God, he is truly exhausting.

He cups your cheek again and brushes his thumb along your soft, flushed skin. “You can be honest.”

You mentally raise a brow at that. “Did you decorate it, or—”

He purses his lips and shakes his head. “No. Not something I’d ever waste my time with.”

He smirks. “That’s women’s work.”

You do raise a brow then and frown slightly as well, so he grins at your response.

He turns you around and pulls you back against his chest before wrapping his arms around your neck. “So?”

“Well, it’s very clean, which I like,” you say while resting your hands on his arms.

He snorts. Of course you’d reply with that.

“And?” He pushes, wanting for more.

You sigh. “I hate it. It’s very…empty. Impersonal. It feels like we’re in an American History museum instead of what’s supposed to be your home. There’s no…personal touches. It feels far more like Homelander’s living space, and less like my John’s.”

He stills, which you take immediate note of, and you grow cold all over.

You fucked up. Said too much. Stupid, stupid girl.

“Your John,” he whispers.

With your back against his chest, you can’t see the tears shimmering in his eyes at the sweet sentiment.

Your body loosens and relaxes, and you lean further back against him—your legs now a bit wobbly-feeling from the sudden onslaught of adrenaline.

“I mean, do you like the way it’s decorated and arranged?”

His mouth tugs into a frown and he shrugs. “I don’t spend much time here, to tell you the truth.”

You turn around and slide your hands up his chest and into his hair while standing on tiptoes. “You could always have it redone, sweetie. Hire a decorator, pick some things out and—”

He smiles widely and you shut your mouth while your brows furrow.

“What…?” You ask hesitantly while cocking your head slightly to the side.

He rests his hands against the small of your back, holding you close.

“I could just have you do it for me,” he states while sliding his hands higher, beneath the soft feminine top you have on.

Your eyes flit between his, waiting for explanation.

“You could come live here,” he explains. “We hire a decorator, like you said, or I just give you my credit card and let you do as you please to turn this place into a proper home. I foot the bill while you…y’know, go nuts.”

He…wants to live together?

Oh, no. No, no, no. That is way too big of a step to take, and far too soon.

His attachment issues know no bounds.

There’s a specific word for this level of it, isn’t there? Co…something. Codependency, yes! And now he’s made you the subject of his sick version of it. You wonder how many have come before you—have failed and disappointed him—then disappeared, per Vought, so he can inevitably find another to take their place.

Or, maybe you’re the first.

Who knows?

But if you are…why?

He never did answer that question, did he? Why you, that is.

You don’t think you should force that answer out of him right now, though.

“Baby, that is…a huge step. And I don’t think that…after only knowing each other for little over a week, for us to…take that leap—”

The light slowly drains from his eyes, and his smile disappears.

You swallow thickly while your heart jumps into your throat.

“What? You don’t want to be here? Don’t want me around?”

You jump into damage-control mode. “Of course I do, baby. But… I have less than two months left in school before I get my diploma. I’m about to be loaded down with finals. And there’s work, too. Just…to move in the middle of it all…”

You cup the back of his head and smile warmly, desperate to keep him from getting angry. Terrified of what will happen to you if you don’t succeed.

“How about this, sweetheart: we can compromise, maybe, if you like? You could pack a bag: clothes, toiletries, books and movies—I’ll even help you. Just…whatever you like. And you bring it all back to my apartment. I’ll clean out one of the drawers in my dresser for you, and some space in my closet, a spot in my bathroom—whatever you need—and you can continue staying there, just like you’ve been. But this way, it’ll feel more like your home, too. I mean, you like it better there, right? You said that you do.”

You press a soft kiss to his cheek, then gaze warmly into his eyes as you wait for—you desperately fucking hope—a positive response.

He considers for a moment—you note how he grinds his jaw while in thought—and then he exhales while nodding. “Alright. Fine. But only until you’ve graduated. Right?”

You ignore the feeling of fear that overtakes you at his insistence. “Of course. I’ll just have a lot less on my plate then, sweetie. And it’ll be good to wait. Because it’ll give us more time to get to know one another. And you to have an opportunity to make sure that that’s what you truly want: me living here. Because I’d hate to…to just move in, and you decide a week or two later that you’ve made a huge mistake, and I have no apartment to go back to because I gave it up, you know?”

He nods his head from side to side in understanding. “Okay. I’ll pack a bag or two, and I’ll just continue coming to you every night.”

He smirks while leaning down and cupping your face between his hands—the image of him crushing your head between them flits briefly through your mind—and he presses a kiss to your lips.

“Besides, I love seeing you comfortable and in your element, anyway. And it’s nice having home-cooked meals so often.”

He grabs one of your ass cheeks, and your eyes widen in surprise. “And we don’t have to worry about the lemmings here at Vought up both our asses when we’re being intimate and when you’re…y’know, looking after me.”

You nod. “That’s all I want: privacy. And for me to have you all to myself.”

You hope he likes that last bit… You only tacked it on for his benefit.

When you feel his erection suddenly pressing against your stomach—hard and firm—you have confirmation that he does.

And then he presses his lips to yours once more.

· tagging list: @emilynissangtr @highsummon @chaimshelii @sacha1slytherin

[itseungraps]

STRUGGLES OF LOVE ▸ p.sh

• pairing: boxer!sunghoon x ballerina!reader

• overview: she got tired of waiting, he fought back.

• published: 30.11.24

﹅ and i'm not sure i like it, i'm so tired of fighting…

• • •

y/n stood backstage, staring at her reflection in the mirror. her pointe shoes pinched her feet, but it was nothing compared to the ache in her chest.

tonight was supposed to be special—her biggest recital of the year, a performance she had spent months preparing for. and yet, she couldn’t shake the feeling that, once again, park sunghoon wouldn’t be there to watch her perform.

the sound of the audience murmuring outside was drowned by her own swirling thoughts. sunghoon had promised—promised—that he would be there this time. but deep down, she knew better than to trust him anymore. the championships, the endless hours of training, the fame that seemed to draw him further and further away from her.

the stage manager knocked on the door. “you're up next.”

y/n took a deep breath and stepped onto the stage, her heart heavy with both anticipation and the fear of being alone, even in front of hundreds of eyes. the spotlight hit her, and she went through the motions, each movement sharp and precise, but the music sounded distant, as if it were coming from another world.

her mind was elsewhere, running through the conversation they had had earlier that week.

• • •

“i don't understand, sunghoon.”

her voice was tight, her fingers clenched into fists. they were sitting on the couch, the distance between them growing, despite the small space of their apartment.

“i've told you, y/n. i have to be ready for the match. it's the title fight.” sunghoon tone was soft but firm, his expression more focused on his phone than her.

“y/n? no nicknames like ‘baby’ anymore?” she exhaled disappointingly. “it's always about the next fight, the next championship. you promised i wouldn't have to perform alone.” ber voice broke on the last words, her heart pounding in her chest. “but here we are again, sunghoon.”

he finally looked up from his screen, his eyes filled with the exhaustion of a thousand matches. “it's not like i want to miss it. you know how important this is for me, too.”

“you don’t get it,” she whispered, the anger and frustration spilling out of her, “i want you to be there for me, like how i'm always at your matches. not just when it's convenient. i want you to be here, sunghoon. not just in body, but my life.”

his jaw clenched. “i am here. i just…have priorities."

“priorities? You keep choosing boxing over me! over us." Her voice cracked. “i’m tired of being second place."

the words hung in the air, suffocating them both.

sunghoon opened his mouth to speak, but y/n didn't give him the chance. she stood up, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. "maybe you should go then. go fight your championships. i'll be fine here on my own."

he stood up too, the muscles in his arms tightening, but his eyes softened. “baby, don't do this. i’m sorry. i want to be there.”

“you’re never there, sunghoon!” she turned away, trying to wipe away the tears that had already started to fall. “i need you to show up. i need you to choose me."

he reached for her, but she pulled away. “you can’t just keep saying sorry and expect things to change. i’m tired of being second in your life.”

• • •

the final note of the music rang out in the theater, and y/n finished the performance, her body moving on autopilot, but her mind still anchored in the memory of the argument. the applause was deafening, however it felt hollow. she was proud of herself for finishing, but the emptiness in her heart was overwhelming.

as she walked off the stage, her stomach twisted. she pulled off her ballet shoes, her fingers trembling. where was he? she had waited, just like every other time, but he hadn’t shown up. not even a text.

her phone buzzed in her bag. she pulled it out, and the screen flashed with a message from sunghoon:

“i’m sorry, baby. i couldn’t make it. please understand. i’ll make it up to you. i love you.”

her breath hitched as her fingers hovered over the screen. she wanted to scream, to throw the phone across the room. but instead, she set it down on the vanity, the weight of his words feeling like another betrayal.

she had wanted him to be there. she had needed him to be there. and once again, he had let her down.

the door to the dressing room opened, and she turned. it was sunghoon.

“i’m so sorry,” he said, his voice quiet, the regret in his eyes palpable. “i didn’t want to disappoint you. i—“

“disappoint me?” she echoed, her voice cold and raw. "you always disappoint me. you keep choosing boxing over me. you keep choosing everything else over us. how many more times are you going to say ‘sorry’ before i realize you don’t actually care?"

his face fell, and for a moment, y/n saw the hurt in his eyes. but it wasn’t enough. it wasn’t enough to undo the months of broken promises, of missed recitals, of being pushed to the side for every fight that came up.

“i do care," he whispered, stepping closer. “i love you, y/n. you mean the world to me, but i just... i don’t know how to balance it all.”

her breath caught in her throat. “maybe it's too late to balance anything,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

for a long time, neither of them spoke. sunghoon’s presence filled the room, but it only made the silence heavier. y/n wiped her tears away, her heart aching in ways she didn’t know how to explain.

• • •

she stared at the heartbroken girl in front of her. two weeks had gone by since she cut off ties with him but the pain she felt made it seem like it was just yesterday everything went down.

watching the mirror as she lifted her arms, the familiar ache of her muscles grounding her. she was in the studio alone, the soft sound of her pointe shoes tapping against the floor, her reflection staring back at her, lit by the warm glow of the late afternoon sun. 

the room was silent except for her breath, steady and controlled. ballet was the one thing that always made sense. the lines, the discipline, the hours of practice—everything was exact. unlike the mess of her feelings.

“you're formation is still perfect,” there it was, the familiar voice. she hated to admit that she missed it.

not bothering to look back, she stared into his eyes from the mirror. in the span of two weeks, he managed to stay looking neat despite the bruises on his face from boxing.

“why are you here, sunghoon?” she asked, desperately searching for at least a hint of guilt which she succeeded in finding.

he sighed as he placed his bag on the wooden bench before making his way to her. “i missed you, and i want to do everything i can to take you back.” he truthfully spat out.

“i'll be honest, i missed you too. but i'm tired of listening to your empty promises,” she expressed emotionally.

he took a moment to look at her before responding, “you moved back in with your mother?”

“stop changing the topic and actually show that you care!”

without hesitation, he wrapped his muscular arms around her frame. “i'm so sorry, please forgive me, y/n. i really do love you more than anything, even boxing. i promise i'll be more present instead of shutting you out.”

• • •

cheers emerged from the surrounding crowd as they intently watched the fight. park sunghoon was in the lead, having a bigger chance of winning the championship.

everyone was pushing, trying to get to the front. y/n watched from the lounge area for special guests, equally thrilled to see the outcome although she already predicted it.

the buzzer went off as the two competitors stood up and walked over to each side of the referee. anticipation filled the atmosphere.

the referee raised sunghoon's hand, declaring him as the winner and handing him the belt. however, all he could think about was getting to his girlfriend.

he ran as fast as he could and embraced her tightly. “i won, i won for you baby. i'm going to be out of training for a while now!”

they celebrated together with a sweet but passionate kiss.

in the end, the two of them made the perfect pair.

[pleasantviewrainfall111]

Copperdale Academy ♥️

It's me, hi, indecision it's me!

When I woke up this morning and saw that the lovely @neishroom was looking for teens, I was beyond hyped and knew that I'd spent the day crafting and choosing little fella's for her to play with.

I obviously can't JUST make or pick one Sim. No, that would be normal. I have to make fucking six, because I'm me.

And since I couldn't decide for myself, I figured I'd share them all and let Nei pick whichever one she likes best!

Be it all, one or even none - all up to you, babes. 😊

Akira Ikeda - He/Him; Pan; Mt. Komorebi

Akira is your not-so-average lad from Mount Komorebi.

He was raised by not one but two mums - Ayame and Samsara - who more than dote on their baby. (Yes, he's very spoiled. Yes, he can be a bit of a twat. But he means well....?)

Thanks to his mum, Akira is interested in all things surrounding engineering and science. He may not look the part, but he can be rather geeky and he'll gladly hold a lecture about the proper way to assemble a servo. (No, he'll not stup until he's done, no matter what you say.)

Devante Zanders - He/Him; Bi; San Myshuno

Devante - Dev to his friends - was raised in San Myshuno and is exactly what you'd call a city boy. He loves the streets of his home town almost as much as he does dogs.

Dev likes sports - any sport, he'll play pickle ball, he'll play football, he'll surf, jog or run the treadmill. It doesn't matter to him as long as the company is good.

And, keyword company: Dev is quite the charmer. Ever since his toddler days, he's had an easy time making friends and gathering hearts wherever he steps with his laid back vibe and disarming smiles. But only those he truly trusts get to see how much of a goofball my guy really is.

Kareena Advani - She/Her; Demi; Tomarang

Born in Tomarang and raised by one dragon of a mother, Kareena doesn't remember the last time she just got to let go and chill. Every single day is spent bowing to her mothers whims and demands - good grades, good performances, good behaviour, good everything. Maybe then she'll finally be worthy of her mothers love.

Deep down, she doesn't want or care about any of these things. Kareena seeks to enjoy her life and go with the flow, until she's old enough to start a family herself. And once she does, she swears she'll do everything to be a much better mother than her own.

Jiajia Ouyang - She/Her; Lesbian; Ravenwood

Let me tell you - this girl may look all sweet and demure, but don't forget that she's made in Ravenwood ™️. So while she does love little, fluffy creatures and all things soft and cozy, she's also absolutely obsessed with ghosts and any other spooky shit. Thanks to that, Jiajia doesn't scare easily and is likely to react with fascination to any urban myth or ghost story.

Be aware: It's not super easy to become her friend. The best approach would probably be to treat her like on would a crow. Yell "Hey, look at the cool rock I found!" and she'll be by your side, longinly staring at whatever trinket you show her now.

Gracie Lou Freebush - She/Her, ???, Del Sol Valley

Grace - try and call her Gracie, and she'll knock out your teeth - grew up in the lower parts of Del Sol Valley to a deadbeat single dad. Thanks to that, she's always been selfsufficient and never relies on anyone else. Her motto? If you want it done, do it yourself and if it's too hard, get tf over it.

She tends to be a loner, despite her loud and confident demeanour, and getting to know her may be quite difficult. You're just as likely to run into walls as you are to find a way around them, so best stand back and listen to her play the guitar until she decides it's time to like you!

And a little bonus duo that likely won't be picked since they're kind of a package deal, but I wanted to share nonetheless:

Floortje van der Bijl - She/Her; Straight, Brindleton Bay

Mats van der Bijl - He/Him; Bi; Brindleton Bay

These blonde cuties are Floortje and Mats, your average twins from Brindleton Bay. The two of them couldn't be more different - at least in character - but they're as close as they come. Having never met their parents, they're the only blood-family they know. I specifically say blood family, because the two of them grew up in a very loving foster home, meaning they've always had good people surrounding them.

Floortje is ambitious and goal oriented. She doesn't quite know where she is headed, but she'll do everything to make sure she has all her options open. In her free time, she loves hanging out with friends or playing the violin - something she's loved ever since she was a child - and, if the mood strikes her, she may even throw down a mat and do some yoga.

Mats, however, is less motivated. All he really wants to do is dance and he knows he doesn't need to get good grades to do that - much to his sisters chargrine. So he usually just practises or chills, whatever he wants more at the time. He's barely hanging on, all things considered, but it could be much much worse. And, luckily, he can always rely on his sister to kick his butt whenever necessary.

[hirazuki]

Me, to sister: Hey, so your presents are here but I don’t have wrapping paper so I’m thinking of just placing them in their proper spot in the apartment and you can just like, come across them and get surprised that way.

Sis: NOOOOOOO

Me: No?

Sis: I’LL NEVER FIND THEM

Me: You won’t?

Sis: I’LL DIIIIEEEEE

You: You’ll die before you find them?

[soulmvtes]

not been doing well lately but slowly coming out of it <3

[dogboner]

personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

[huh-1260]

:)

Another part of my Au to many almost or finished art from my phone of this AU I made. Zoroark mist is purple cuz shiny. I am writing part 2 of my ramble because yes. Satoshi is in Aloha like so confused like " I was in the Abalaster ice lands how did this happen? At least my friends are alive." He puts on his human illusion (he kinda sometimes forget that it's him when he didnt get Zoroark, some days he thinks someone he cared about.) Gary, Goh, Rei, and Ingo are in Aloha for finding out about Ultra wormholes as that's probably how they appeared in the lab. ( it was a time space rift stupid kids) Ingo has one of Lady Sneasler's babies because how else do you think they fell into the random rift baby sneasel wanted to play in snow but tripped on her foot. Satoshi wanders until he's at a familiar building the Pokemon school, he wanders in walking around until he is at the doorway of Professer Kukui's class, part of him wondered "why am I here its just a classroom what ever that is" and leaves going outside where the class was, with Kiawe challenged Gary to a pokemon battle because Gary is Ash's first rival. Gary wins and Ingo ends up yelling " Super Bravo!" Catching the Sun and moon gang off guard. Which Satoshi realize, Rei and Warden Ingo didn't die falling off a cliff in the Highlands but ended up in the future and stepped forward a bit slowly only to step on a stick which everyone turns their head towards him. Why are they just standing their looking at him do they see through the illusion, oh wait he's panicking just act natural. " Hello there, Warden Ingo, Rei." Rei's eyes light up and says " Warden Satoshi!" In which Gary's head is lining up images of Ash and Warden Satoshi, and the faces match if Ash had insomnia and longer hair. Warden Ingo is giving Satoshi the stink eye because a lot of Hisuian Zoroark tried to prey on him with the form of Emmet and didnt Satoshi die all the way in Hisui? Ingo then ask " If you are Warden Satoshi, then." Warden Ingo glared. " How did you get back from Hisui?" Satoshi grinded. " I didn't." The illusion faltered a little showing a bit of mist and his real colors. " I waited a few hundred years after, then I le-"

"Pokeball, Goooooo!"

[dirt-goth]

Part if me is feeling really helpless about life and a bigger part of me is like "hey buddy we are suffering right now because we haven't seen any of our friends in nearly 2 months, we have been spending our free time studying war crimes, we also were literally couldn't eat without gwtting nauseous for like 2 days this week so we may be a bit malnourished" and while providing all these explanations there is. Very little being done to solve this in an effective manner.

[emometalhead]

Made an appointment with a doctor to discuss my anxiety and possibly get medication!!

[shiningstages]

Me lookin' at my lil content: d'aaaaaaaw it's so cute~

I wanted to do stuff before work, but I like blanked out since I'm sleepy (went to bed around 1? 2?? then woke up at 7:11; not terrible but not like Great) then did my required stretchies / looked up stuff for things~ Tomorrow I have my last PT session and follow-up, and then I plan on cleaning my room / generally just chilling out since it has been Forever, but now...I will try and schedule in time for OC thoughts today and tomorrow (still have to decide if Atlas would be primal or astral...and maybe compare some story stuff to make sure it's not stepping on any Canon toes...but maybe we also don't care about that second bit ghffjghfgvcccgkhf).

[ruthytwoshakes]

I've been trapped in a cycle of pain since I was young, but recently it's been getting worse. I have 1 week of pain, 1 week of recovery, and only 2 weeks where I feel not terrible. And if I'm not able to recover than those 2 weeks turn into a couple days, rest are pain filled. I talk about my sensory issues and mental disabilities, but I don't think I've ever talked about this before. It scares me and I'd rather not acknowledge it.

You'd think I would be able to develop coping strategies, but I've never had any help or direction, live in an environment with many limitations and roadblocks, and I'm terrible at recognizing my own limits. And then the added guilt, aka internalized ableism, of even needing those coping strategies in the first place. So I'm just barely hanging on tbh.

I'm starting a new treatment today that will hopefully help, it so happens to coincide with the start of a new pain week. hooray. im in agony. But this might help with future weeks so I'm staying as hopeful as I can.

Why am I saying all this? I guess I owe people an explanation as to why I never finish any of my big projects. People who have been following for a while know that I start something huge and then drop it, and this is why. I desperately want to, but it kills me to do anything more than concept art and one-offs. I feel terrible for everybody who I've let down, so I'm gonna be honest from here on out.

I wont be finishing any big projects. Not until I move out and get more accommodations and (hopefully) a surgery to remove the organ causing me pain. I will work on whatever I have the energy for, but I can't promise anything. Feel free to request projects for me to work on! Motivation helps me work on them lol.

I really appreciate the love and community I've found here, it means so much to me. Helped me get through the tough times, and I wouldn't be where I am now as an artist without everybody's kind words and support. I love the tf2 community so much, everybody is so kind and creative. I can't wait to move out into a better environment where I'll finally be able to work on all my big projects. It's one of the big things motivating me to keep on going. I hope in the future that I'll be able to live off of art as my full time job! I physically and mentally can't do anything else lmao. Maybe I'll start a patreon, open commissions, I'm not sure yet.

Whatever the future holds, I know my place will be in the tf2 community. I have big plans guys, just bare with me for the next 3 years <3

Thanks so much, as always, and I'll be back in a week <3 -Ruth

[dawntheduckrb]

Low resolution borb chilling on the curb